so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
