bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
