yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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