Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
