i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
