DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i think i just lost a toe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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