saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
