She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
