There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she peed on how many people?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
