i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Randomize
