people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
