Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
