he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
