Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
