I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
