I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
