I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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