u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
