just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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