Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
