Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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