My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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