During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
COCAINE IS GR8
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
