I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
