I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
