They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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