all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
