You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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