I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Two words: blizzard sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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