i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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