Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize