I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.