i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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