i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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