Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
