he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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