I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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