I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
