Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
