he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
