you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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