I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
