I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
