Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize