Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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