i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
