I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
