I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
