you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
