the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
