id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
