So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
