I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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