So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
