I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
