Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Houston, we have a squirter
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
