You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
