i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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