he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
