drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
