I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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