dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
